Well it hasn’t actually happened yet. But I can 99% assure you that this weekend will be it.
I am excited because:
It is Thursday night. In other words, it is the beginning of the four day long Easter weekend. I get ridiculously excited when I have time off work.
I am not so excited because:
Details of how I will be spending said weekend-
Where- Camping. Texas, Queensland. Population: 700.
With: No electricity. Not a great deal of available vegetarian food, as my mother refuses to pack a different meal for me for every meal we will be eating (solution to this problem= limited options=less eating=skinnier=not so bad). BUT mainly, with all five other members of my constantly arguing, yelling, narrow minded, insufferable family. This includes a three hour car ride there and back.
I did, for some wild, crazy, reason, choose to spend my weekend in this manner entirely of my own will. Why would I make such a mental health threatening, risque decision, you ask? Because I am honestly a pure hearted, kind, generous, nice and wonderful person who would not hurt a fly or say a bad word about anyone. That may be stretching the truth a little, I even surprise myself when I do nice deeds like this one, let alone how surprised my family were when I told them of my planned attendance. I did it, I suppose, because I literally do not remember the last time I spent a weekend with my family, and I guess this is my selfless charitable deed for the next five years or whatever. And because of the genuine smile on my mother’s face when I told her I might come. That last reason is actually true. And because for some weird reason I actually kind of wanted to. However, the wanting to part decreased a little once I came home from work today and my family have already taken up constantly yelling and fighting and carrying on with their usual antics.
Looking on the positive side, I have four new books which will all be accompanying me. I have tanning oil and plenty of time to do nothing, equalling plenty of time to do something about my reflectively pale skin. There will be plenty of running/walking space (eat less and exercise more=get skinnier=not so bad). My grandparents are also coming. They have a large nice motorhome in which I can hide. Nan eats vegetarian food, she will offer me edible non fattening eats. I am actually looking forward to having a four day relaxing weekend camping, not having to be anywhere and doing what I like. I love camping, and pretty much every other weekend is spent being spastically drunk and partying the two days away in what feels like two seconds. Not going to say I don’t enjoy that. I’m 18, of course I do. But one weekend like this one will be nice.
Sounds not so bad, right? That’s what I was thinking. But little delusional me kept trying to avoid one major, completely altering factor: the family. How bad can a family be, right? Ignore them, do you own thing, don’t worry be happy blah blah blah. Ohh how I wish. How. I. Wish.
To show you just how much they can change me enjoying my time, I shall provide a few examples:
Me: *sitting in comfortable chair reading one of fantastic new books*
Parents: “SAVANNAH WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON A CHAIR READING A BOOK LIKE A USELESS PERSON THERE IS SOMETHING YOU COULD BE DOING TO HELP GET UP RIGHT NOW QUICK GET UP”
Me: “Oh wonderful, it is 7.30am, I don’t have to be anywhere. I will sleep in.”
Family: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET UP YOU WILL WASTE YOUR ENTIRE DAY IF YOU STAY IN BED ONE NANOSECOND LONGER PLUS I NEED TO MAKE BREAKFAST AND YOU BEING IN BED IS CLEARLY AFFECTING ME USING THE KITCHEN AREA”
Me: *Spending time with grandparents in motorhome but main purpose of being in there is because it’s comfortable and it is not made of nature and a good place to hide from family*
Parents: *Discover secret hiding spot and rudely intrude* “SAVANNAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE THAT IS SO ANTISOCIAL WE DON’T COME CAMPING TO BE INSIDE THE WHOLE TIME GET OUT GET OUT WE ARE PLAYING A FUN FAMILY GAME OF WHO CAN ARGUE THE BEST”
Yep. You get the gist of things. So just a warning: if I return from this weekend completely and utterly bonkers, lost my marbles, settled completely into la la land, it is not my fault and you know who to blame. I would like to say in advance, in case I do not have the capabilities at a later time, that if someone could poke bites of veggie patties with chilli sauce through the bars of my padded cell it would be very much appreciated.